I’m sorry I’m not sorry
Lord High Archduke Martin of Crieffstonia
DOUGLAS: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, we’re now about half way through our flight from Hong Kong to Limerick. And I just thought I’d let you know that I am bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored! We’re, unbelievably, still flying over Russia, which continues to be stupidly big, really enormous, far bigger than necessary. We’ve been in the air now for about a week. It doesn’t look like we’ll be landing until the last syllable of recorded time. So if anyone on board knows any card tricks, ghost stories or would like to have some sex, please do make your way to the flight deck. Thank you.
MARTIN: Err, ladies and gentlemen, I do…I do profoundly apologize for my first officer and his badly misjudged attempt at humour. I do hope you weren’t distressed by his outburst. And, and let me just say, in his defence, that up here in the flight deck it is unbelievably bor-ring!
DOUGLAS: So boring!
MARTIN: So very, very, very, boring!
DOUGLAS & MARTIN: Bored!
MARTIN: [chuckles] Very good, very good. Okay, my turn.
DOUGLAS: All right. Do … “Come Fly With Me”.
MARTIN: [clears throat] *bing bong!* Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. On behalf of MJN Air I’d like to invite you to [sings] Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly awa—
CAROLYN: [intercom] Martin! Martin, what on earth are you doing?
MARTIN: Carolyn! I—oh—yes! Nothing!
Because Benedict Cumberbatch.